Today my heart broke as a mom.
It was one of those moments that I know I needed to help teach a lesson, but all I wanted to do was cry.
Here's the story.
Kaden has been doing Karate the past 6 months. He LOVES it! Tonight was his "graduation" from his yellow belt to his orange belt. He has been soooo excited for this night. It's about the only thing he's talked about for the last couple weeks. He told all his friends that he'd be getting his orange belt tonight, Brian got a little time off work to come and see him, grandma Becky came by his class, Avery even prayed for him this morning and said, "bless Kaden that he will get his orange belt". We were all so excited.
Well.....
He didn't earn his orange belt.
When they called his name, they gave him his 100% attendance star and a certificate saying he is now a 2nd Degree yellow belt. My heart sunk.
Kaden (the tender and proud little guy he is) ran over to Brian and I with a smile on his face and gave us a hug (no other kid did that) and said, "I'll be getting my orange belt at the end". Ahhh! I barely could hold back the tears. He was going to be so disappointed. I felt so hurt for him. It was a feeling I don't think I've had as a mom yet.
The class went on, and pretty soon he started realizing other kids were getting their belts and he wasn't. When all the kids were asked to stand up and change their belts, he and his buddy Ryder were asked to come over to the teacher. She put a black piece of tape on their belts and told them they were now 2nd Degree black belts. All Kaden could say was, "uhhh... after yellow belt, it's orange belt". The teacher then had to tell him he didn't pass his test so he didn't get to have his orange belt yet.
Now... his heart sunk.
(crap... I'm crying just writing this post!)
The rest of class, he looked sober and kept his head down. He kept blinking like he was trying to hold back tears. He came over to me and said, he didn't earn his orange belt. I knew I just needed to put a smile on my face and tell him what a good job he had done. I was so proud of him, but all I wanted to do was hold him and take away all his disappointment. We put smiles on our faces and told him how proud we were that he was a 2nd degree. It was hard.
As I was watching him in class, I couldn't help but feel the hurt my parents had for me the first time I didn't make the school play or when I was benched on the softball team. I knew they felt bad for me, but I had never realized how bad it hurts to see your kids when they are heartbroken. Wow!!! It really sucks.
The crazy thing is.... despite how much I wanted to take that pain away from Kaden, I also realized what a good lesson this would be for him. Having him not pass this test will help him realize that he has to work hard. The best things in life don't come easy. He loves karate. And now I think he will appreciate it even more because of this experience.
Brian told him some great advise that I hope that he will always remember. It's this advise that made me want to write this (super long) post on our 365 blog. So Kaden... in years to come, read this post and remember what your dad taught you tonight.
He told you that now that you have to re-do this class, you will learn it better and you will have the potential to be the very best yellow belt student. He told you that you will appreciate your orange belt so much more because you had to work so hard for it.
He then told you that he could go and buy you an orange belt, or even a black belt. He asked if you thought those belts would mean anything to you. Dad told you that the reason those belts are so special is because all the hard work it took to get them. The real honor is the work... not the color of the belt.
So... as hard as it was to see you hurt and disappointed tonight, I think it was a lesson well learned. Not just for you, but for me and dad too. As a parent, we have to be able to support, love, hug, cry and think positive. Teach our kids to be strong while giving them a shoulder to cry on. We can't just be negative and put the blame on others.. we need to help lift up our kids head and get them out there to try harder. This is what will make them strong, confident and successful in all their endeavors.
Kaden.... I love you so much. I am very,very, very proud of you! I'm hurt when you hurt, but I gain strength by watching you pick yourself back up. You are only 7 years old and you haven't had too many disappointments in life yet, but I know when you do have to face them, know that your dad and I will always be there for you. You are one awesome son!
