75/365

I always knew I was born on the ides of March, but I never knew I as born on the 75th day of the year.  Now I know.

That being said. Today is my birthday.

I thought about alot of things today.  Mostly about my life. These thoughts have made me happy and some have made me pretty sad. But it's in these moments that I know I can grow and be a better person. That being said,  here's what my 36 year old self is thinking about on March 15, 2011. Most of these thoughts are pretty personal. But part of writing about my life for a year has to have real honest moments.  This is one of those moments.

Things I'm Happy/Grateful/Proud of:
- I have 4 Amazing Kids!! (Oh my gosh.... I have FOUR KIDS!! How did I get old enough for that?)
- I have a very happy marriage and have been married to my best friend for almost 12 years
- I live in a beautiful home in an awesome neighborhood where everyone is so generous and kind
- I have a wonderful extended family who is always there for me
- I have an amazing group of girlfriends who are as family to me.  They too.. are always there for me from raising our kids, to coming to cake competitions, to flowers on my doorstep, to phone calls, texts and lunch dates
- I am loved
- I'm not afraid to try new things
- I spend a couple hours almost every morning with a little 3 year old cuddling in my arms sound asleep
- I  am happy for breakfast in bed and my kids scratching my back while I eat.  What a great birthday surprise.
- I feel like I teach my kids confidence and they know I love them

Things that Discourage me and I want to change:
- I'm sick of being overweight. I need to lose 100 pounds.  How did I allow myself to get this big?
           It makes me sad.
- I could be a much better mom
- I need to be a much better wife
- I wish I served others more
- I feel I'm not a very good friend
- I need to be more fun.
- I need to be happier with myself
- I need to be more kind and not talk bad about others
- My faith needs to be stronger
- I want to be more organized
- I fear my life is going too well and I can't help but think that tragedy is just around the corner..... this is my greatest fear, and I HATE feeling this way. I have been too blessed for too long. I pray life continues to be blissful.

I know I have many things to be grateful for and many things I'm often discouraged about.  At the end of the day, I take my strengths and dedicate myself to be better.  One day at a time to becoming a better person.  Maybe we need days like this to help us look inward and have desire change BECAUSE of all the blessings we already have.  Those blessings make me WANT to be a better person.