As you can see it's been weeks since I've posted anything. I had a meltdown last week when I finally realized I have too much on my plate. Things aren't getting done... and others things are getting done half hearted due to lack of time.. and things I enjoy doing (like blogging) have gone to the wayside. I know I can do everything I need to do.. I just need to find that balance. I'm having a tough time trying to figure out my role as a mom of three (wow... it's still hard), having my own business, being a friend, doing my calling to the best of my ability, etc. etc. etc. I know everyone deals with this juggling act we as mom's do, and I think that for the most time, we do a dang good job at it, but sometimes... we break. That's what happened to me. I got so overwhelmed that there was nothing else I could do but cry. It's kindof crazy how a good cry session can clear your mind and get you back on track.
I'm not much of a crier... so for me to break down, I think it' frieks Brian out a little bit. He was great to be there for me though. I could talk, he listened. When I began to sob because a cup of crayons fell out of the cupboard, he rushed over and held me as I shook in his arms (seriously.. I'm sure he was thinking ... "What the crap is going on? They were crayons for heavens sakes") Well, those crayons were the last straw of a very long few months. I sometimes wonder why I put so much upon myself. I know part of it is how I was raised, and I think another part is just that feeling of wanting to always move and change and grow. I like to know I'm doing something to help others or improve my talents and especially be there for my kids. I have this need to constantly be moving. I don't know if that's necessarily good. I get to these "Melt Down" moments and realize that down time is HUGE! I don't give myself time just to chill. I don't stop until I've literally crashed on the couch and have to have Brian wake me up to go to bed. Why do I do that? Why is it so hard to find this balance? It's do-able.. I KNOW it is. I just gotta figure it out. For all you moms out there that cram your days, go, go, go and never take time for yourself... STOP! Stop right now or you will soon be crying hysterically over a bunch of crayons on your floor.
We need to have down time. We need to just sit down and reconnect with ourselves. If we don't do that... how in the world will we ever successfully connect with those we love and care about? We can't. At least, I can't. I'm learning that I can't be my best self for my family and friends and my church without making sure I'm OK first. It's a crazy balance.. but we can do it. We just need time to clear the chaos (even if it's just for a minute or two) and have your down time. It makes everything better and nothing seems too overwhelming. I am amazed at how easier it's been to refocus after my crazy "melt down". It cleared my head, it allowed me to see that if I plan a little better and try not to overbook myself.. I can find that balance. I may have to give up a few things here and there.... but that's not such a bad thing, Infact.. it will probably make me a better mom, a better wife, a better friend, a better business owner.. and all the other balls I juggle in my life. I just need to prioritize the most important things and then say goodbye to everything else. (ya.... a lot easier said than done for an overworker like myself)
Balance... I think THAT is going to be my greatest challenge as well as the my greatest strength if I can figure it out.
